William Otto

William Otto
Playing catch with Daddy!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

There is Always Something...

So it has been awhile since my last post, no surprise there.  I seem to turn to this blog when things get the most rough.  Now seems to be another one of those times.

For anyone who didn't know, we had our sweet Henry on 12-7-11 via scheduled c-section.  I had gestational diabetes pretty bad and it was safer for him to be born earlier rather than later.

We only got to see him for about a minute after he was born.  He wasn't breathing well on his own and had to be taken immediately to the NICU and put on a ventilator.  We also had to monitor his kidney function since we knew one was enlarged.  He later developed jaundice and pneumonia.  Despite all of that, our little fighter was able to come home exactly one week later.

Everything went well for a couple of weeks, but then, due to no lights being turned on in the living room and Wills toy truck being left on the floor, Henry was dropped by someone who tripped and now has a broken femur.  He is in a harness now and will be for about another month.  I have to take him to Traverse City, where the nearest pediatric orthopedist is, every two weeks until he is healed.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, I started noticing bruising and petechial rashes on him.  We took him to the doctor where they ordered bloodwork.  The blood work came back and shows some inconsistencies.  He now has to go through further testing.  They are looking for things like clotting disorders, hepatitis, etc.  Honestly, I don't even want to speculate.  Will has had numerous petechial rashes as well, and we have never gotten an answer as to why.

I am trying to stay strong for my boys, but I am too jaded by my experiences with Will to think that there is probably nothing wrong with Henry.  Bad things can and do happen to us, not just other people.  When I do vent to family and friends they seem to brush it off and say things like; "it will be so much easier now because you have been through it all with Will."  and "don't worry, you can do it, you've done it before." and my personal favorite, "this is why you weren't going to have more kids, because you knew there was a distinct possibility something could go wrong."

I know everyone means well.  But these statements hurt me more than they help.  It ISN'T easier just because I have one child with special needs already and hearing that I should not have had Henry, doesn't help me either.  He is a blessing that I adore and couldn't imagine my life without.  Reminding me, at a time like this, that he was a surprise, ISN'T helping the situation.  Things happen in life for a reason.

Again, I know everyone who has said things like this means well.  No one intended to be insensitive.  I think sometimes that if you have never been through anything significant with your child, you can never understand how someone else feels who has.  This is just my place to vent about how I am feeling.

I do also want to add, that I have met some pretty amazing people through Wills illness that are now supporting me through what is going on with Henry.  Thank you all so much.  I don't know how I could have gotten through these last couple of years without you.  I also know, that I have some amazing friends that have stuck by me for a long, long time that I rely on so much.  Jill Evans especially.  I love her so much and am still trying to figure out why she has stuck around for the 16+ years that she has.  ;)

Okay, vents over.  I got to get it out here so that I can be upbeat for my boys in 'real life'.  :)